Stephanie Hayes: 10 Simple Questions To Ask Yourself While Getting Dressed | Homes and Lifestyle


Recently I got dressed to … wait … to leave the house and meet someone. It was a laid back and professional thing, nothing to dress for. But, clothes! I have so many, and yet I wear the same three stretch outfits every week while working from home.

I changed three times, going for jeans and a shiny, shiny silver tank top with a tie belt. I thought it was festive but relaxed.

“You are wearing your exit top,” my husband said.

If you’ve been through the early 2000s, you know exactly what it is. It’s a Paris Hilton-adjacent sequin shirt to wear with jeans for a night out on the town, maybe satin, maybe beaded, maybe halter.

I realized it was mid afternoon, probably a little early for the glitter. I haven’t had time to change. I had to accept that when I was once a stylish person, I forgot how to dress.

After posting my glittery look on Instagram stories, people replied that they don’t present themselves well in society either.

One tried to wear sequins to an early dinner, and her partner stopped her. “I feel lucky to have control over my drama as I leave the house,” she said.

It’s a combination of things, I think. There is the lack of socialization. People have stopped going to offices. Many frontline workers wear uniforms. We lack training.

But also … haven’t the styles changed a lot? Do I imagine it? Fashion is surely constantly changing, but the Millennial / Gen Z divide with jeans and side pieces and the word ‘cheugy’ really broke down this year.

The combination of factors left a population disoriented and dressing as if we were in The great Lebowski.

To help you out, I’ve formulated a list of questions to ask yourself after getting dressed, but before leaving your home:

1. What time is it? Is it noon? 5pm? 2 a.m ? Have I slipped through an interdimensional portal where time ceases to be?

2. What type of event am I attending? Client appointment? Dated? Feast of tarts and curates? Family meeting? To build houses ? Learn to windsurf? Receive a Academy Award?

3. Am I going to sweat and how much?

4. Is it possible to meet someone I haven’t seen for 12 to 15 years?

5. Do I like this outfit or am I wearing it because I feel bad for it? Do I again project emotional blockages onto inanimate objects?

6. Will this item of clothing distract me all night long, like a shoe that makes a little gasping noise every time I walk?

7. Can I move freely, or will I stick around smiling with my top and bottom teeth like Chandler Bing?

8. Did I forget that this shirt has a mustard stain?

9. Is it mine or have I borrowed it from the friend I’m visiting? Will she remember or is she just as lost?

10. Am I still cool? Follow-up: do I care?

– Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at Tampa bay times in Florida. Follow her on Twitter: @StephHayes and Instagram: @StephHayes. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.


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